WarDiary #28 Vacation in wartime (Part 3)
For a while, boys and me silently stood near the lake watching it and trying to absorb all its beauty. I could not tear my eyes away from it. Without saying goodbye, I went inside the hotel café for several minutes, and when I came back, boys were gone. However, it was very likely that I would meet them again because there was only one way to the bus stop. It was time to walk all 9 kilometers back. The rain got heavier. It got darker. I realized that I did not want to leave Morske Oko. I had to force myself to move and looked back several times at the lake, until it was not to be seen any more. I also felt tired. It seemed boring to walk the same way again. I decided that if there would be carriages with horses (the only transport there), I would take one to spend less time under the rain.
I walked some 900 meters alone and then I saw the boys again. When some 200 meters were separating us, I saw a carriage with horses approaching me. The coachman cried to me in Polish, if I would like to have a ride. I thanked and rejected his offer. Serhii and I started talking again. I watched the carriage ride past us and did not regret it. Serhii’s friend was again silently going before us. We walked talking till the very bus stop under rain which did not stop for a minute.
The boys’ clothes were wet. So were their shoes. It was rather clothes for inside sports, not for mountain hiking. My dry super-raincoat made me feel obscenely rich. For a moment I wondered if I should offer them a ride with the next carriage. But I did not know how to put such an invitation into words. I had enough experience being a poor student in my life, but I had much less experience being an independent woman, especially in front of men, be it very young men. I was almost sure that they would reject my invitation. I did not event try. Apart from that, spending more time in the nature was also precious.
Their jackets got wet in several spots. Serhii said to me that he was perfectly OK. He told me that the day before, they went up and down another mountain near Zakopane under pouring rain. They decided to make the most of their vacation. Serhii was happy that “Maxi” had the same attitude. Maxi just smiled looking at us. They took a vacation for five days and travelled to Zakopane. It seemed that they wanted to walk all the possible ways in that mountain area and that no rain would stop them. They were very enthusiastic, but there was something desperate about it.
“Imagine, if we had a good camera! Then we would take beautiful photos here.”
“But cameras are heavy…” – I argued.
“It is always good to have a good camera. Especially if you travel with friends. You take photos, when they are not watching. And then you show them your photos. Imagine happiness and surprise on their faces! My friend once did so and sent us photos in Facebook. Everybody was so excited to get his photos! Nobody knew that he or she was being photographed.”
I felt ashamed. I almost never did like this, even if I had a good camera at my disposal. I regarded photography rather as obligation, at least when I was with people. When there was a gathering of people, colleagues, or friends, I preferred to enjoy time being with them. I did not want to sacrifice it for taking photos. I also had all the conditions to learn to take better photos, but I just could not find time for it or spent a lot of time swimming in doubts if it was worth investing my time in photography. Here was this boy passionate to do it, but something told me that he would not have opportunities to learn photography. Probably he would continue working at a Polish supermarket.
“But photos in Facebook lose their quality. Like in WhatsApp, or any other messenger. You can send them as files. But nowadays nobody does it. Maybe it is indeed not worth it. Pictures look quite good any way. You cannot always tell everybody “Please send photos as a file” and explain how to do it.” - I could not help sharing my professional irritations. Suddenly I sounded to myself very boring, like a soulless robot.
Serhii did not comment on my grousing. He seemed not to hear me.
“Imagine all those lakes and mountains on photos! That is why people travel. Only good camera can show all the beauty of your trip. I do not mind if the camera is heavy. Ok, maybe for you as a girl, it is a problem.”
“It is a problem for anybody. In mountains after several kilometers, especially when you carry food with you, every gramme makes a difference for your shoulders.” I also remembered the story of my friend from the front when he and his comrades had been walking several days under shelling and in the end had to throw away their guns, although one gets punished for this. But I did not want to retell this story.
I realized that I wanted to know more about Bakhmut. Maybe I will never meet again a person from Bakhmut. Just like my foreign friends or journalists, I wanted to ask as many questions as possible and tried to choose words correctly. So, I went back to the war topic:
“Is your mother alone in Bakhmut?” – I asked carefully. For whatever reason, he never mentioned his father.
“No, my father is also there. Today, when we arrived to the lake, I called her with video and wanted to show her the lake. “Hey, mom! Look where I am!” – I told her and moved the camera of my smartphone. Then I heard explosions and she said “I don’t have time for your nonsense! Bye!” and hung up.” – he smiled.
I imagined his videocall and my eyes filled with tears. I was lucky that it was raining. Every time I remember this, I start to cry. Even now, still.
Serhii continued: “She would not tell me what is really happening, because she knows me too well. I can adjust my hat and come to her in one second. My employer would probably be disappointed. But I think, he would understand. My brother called me some time later today and said that it was very loud in Bakmut today.”
He continued: “You know, if one grounds a family, then he or she has his home there where his family is. I do not have my own family yet. So, my home is there, in Bakhmut. It would be so great to wake up around noon from the sound of my mother’s scolding: “What? You are still sleeping! Goofing off again?” – he pronounced those unpleasant words with love. It broke my heart.
On all the way, Serhii did not ask me a single question. Normally I hate such “communication” and regard it as disrespect, but this time I really appreciated his willingness to share and tried to remember everything he said.
“Maybe, one day I will marry and then my home will be here. But it is not easy. A friend of mine told me that he was in love with a girl. Once he heard that she was saying to her girlfriend that her husband should earn at least 1000 euro, so that he can give her money for beauty salons and shopping. My friend will never earn so much, so he gave up. After all, one needs to pay rent and buy food as well. Then maybe in the future you want to buy a house…” Serhii started to calculate all the expenditures. I just listened to him. As single, I could not comment on family economics. I just told him that there were surely girls who did not think so much about money. He seemed to be sure that he had to finance his family. It sounded so rooted in his thinking that seemed impossible to unroot. I did not even try.
I asked him if his colleagues were nice to him, and he told me that people were like people everywhere: some were very nice and some were mean. From his stories I realized that he had good relations with his colleagues and neighbors. He also told me that his Polish got very good. Serhii did not stop talking, while his friend just smiled and was walking in front of us. From time to time he turned his head in our direction, especially when Serhii mentioned his name. Serhii would ask him “Right, Maxi?” And Maxi would just smile.
Suddenly we saw the bus stop. 9 kilometers under drizzling rain passed like 10 minutes. We were just talking about Ukrainian soldiers and Serhii told me that he did not want to say anything bad about them, because they defended our Motherland, but some soldiers in Bakmut had been disrespectful and rude. When he still lived in Bahmut, before 2022, one female soldier asked him at a checkpoint, why he was not defending his country. I wanted to know more, but my brain got uncapable of processing any additional information and I was cold. I wanted to get on the bus as soon as possible. The boys decided to stay outside for some time, although it was still raining. Maybe they smoked. I lost sight of them.
When we arrived to Zakopane in 15 minutes, I took off the bus and saw Serhii. It was already dark. I think it was 9 pm or so. He said goodbye to me in a surprisingly formal way: he shook my hand. Serhii wished me all the best and seemed to be deeply grateful to have met me. Although I cannot say why exactly. I had been just listening. I felt like a kind, old aunt. Before our ways separated, Serhii advised me to hurry up with packing my things and searching for a bus to Cracow. Listening to him, I felt young and stupid again. I did not know if there was a bus, where it was and if I manage to get to Cracow. I had already booked an apartment in Cracow for the coming night. I had to get there. I wished Serhii all the best too, although I wanted to say more. But I could not put it into words.
(to be continued)